I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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