What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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