I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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