Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
