guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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