I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
