Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
