you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
