she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Less talking, more tequila
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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