Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
