She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
