New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
