lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
