I cannot find my penis.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
