But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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