Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
