I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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