I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
