dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
