I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
