I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
