I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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