i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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