Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Even my vagina gasped.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
