he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My vagina just clenched in fear
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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