One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
