She said her name was "party"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize