i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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