If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize