All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
