Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
