God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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