where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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