my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
