he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
