I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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