guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
