dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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