who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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