Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
