captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
