I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
