I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
