yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
