Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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