I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
