Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
