Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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