Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
