I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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