whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Terrible idea I love it
All the doctor said was why
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
