I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
