im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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