1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
