did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
