That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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