I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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