SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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