They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
