i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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