did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize