So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
