hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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