Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
