i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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