we have officially lost it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
