Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize