I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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