I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
