she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
