Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
