I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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