I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
