just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
