u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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