you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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